 Media Credit: Katie Skelly |
Bruce Schilder's current girlfriend lives up to his ideal of the perfect woman in all aspects but one - her age.
"I have a younger girlfriend who I've been with for a long time," said Schilder, an undecided sophomore in The College of Arts and Sciences. "But I prefer dating older girls. It makes me feel more powerful to be able to control them."
Students often have preconceived notions about the age of their ideal partner. Most concede, however, that age is just a number when it comes to meaningful relationships.
Joseph Fanelli, who teaches Syracuse University's human sexuality course, said attraction is based more on interests than age.
"Age alone is a factor if the gap is significant," Fanelli said. "More important are whether peoples' values, interests and likes and dislikes are similar. All of those are filters before age becomes a factor."
B.T. O'Neill, an undecided sophomore in The College of Arts and Sciences, said he prefers to date older women, but would absolutely not turn down an opportunity with the right younger woman.
"Age doesn't matter," O'Neill said. "It's mostly the maturity level and overall personality. Generally, that's not defined by age."
Matt Sweeney, a freshman majoring in engineering, prefaced his indifference to age with a mention of his relationship history.
"That's a funny story because I've been single for a while," Sweeney said. "I'd prefer to date someone my own age so I wouldn't rock the boat. But it's what's inside that matters. Love knows no age."
Even students who think other relationship qualities outshine age in importance are quick to draw the line at certain age gaps. Forty-four percent of people said the biggest acceptable age gap for them was five years, while only 24 percent felt comfortable with a 10-year age difference, according to a survey by TopDatingTips.com.
Many people reluctant to date outside a specified age range fear judgment by their peers. Others, like Jennifer Lydell, worry that a big age gap would amount to a sizeable difference in maturity level.
"From where you are, three years older and one year younger is OK," said Lydell, a junior industrial design major. "Someone more than a year younger may not share the same maturity and therefore couldn't communicate as well. I generally go for people my own age."
Her friend, Erin Kilgore, a junior painting major, argued that any age difference in a relationship can make things awkward.
"Now, if I dated someone who was 25, I would think he was a loser," Kilgore said. "I would wonder, 'Why can't he find someone his own age?' When people are in two different stages in their lives, it doesn't really work out."
Fanelli agrees that the main deterrent for dating someone significantly older or younger is the difference in life stages. He said he seldom sees relationship problems related to age difference at the college level. The most common issues he observes are among students still dating their high school-aged sweethearts.
Even though age differences don't present significant problems when both partners are in college, most college-aged women claim to prefer to date upperclassmen. Fanelli acknowledged this stereotype and said he rarely hears senior women get excited about freshman boys.
Natalie Lurowist, a sophomore musical theater major, believes she's more compatible with older men.
"I'm more attracted to older guys because intelligence is a big thing for me," Lurowist said. "Older guys have more experience so I can relate to them more. On a date, I want to be impressed. That's why maturity and a good sense of humor are so important."
Women weren't the only ones who saw value in dating up in terms of age. Men dating older women have become less taboo in recent years, due in part to the influence of popular culture. In the movie "American Pie," high school seniors weren't shy about discussing - or acting on - their fantasies about older women (or pies, for that matter).
Fanelli offered the Oedipal theory as a possible explanation for men and women who want to date older, which says some people are attracted to a mother or father figure.
While O'Neill's relationship experience is limited to older women, he said his attractions weren't based on age or on potential as a mother figure.
"There's an air of elegance about them that usually comes with age," O'Neill said.
Another trend that is slowly gaining acceptance in popular culture is that of older women dating younger men. Actress Demi Moore, 40, has made tabloid headlines since the announcement of her relationship with 25-year-old Ashton Kutcher.
"Girls see in younger guys an easy target," Kilgore said. "Maybe Demi thinks Ashton is better in bed - has more stamina. Guys Ashton's age are just looking for someone to have a good time with."
But many men Ashton's age would prefer to have their fun with someone younger for a variety of reasons. Charles McCoy, a freshman computer engineering major, said he prefers to date younger because older women have less time available to spend with him.
"Older women have more responsibilities and there are a lot of things they can't do," McCoy said. "If a woman's in college, too, it's hard to find quality time to spend together."
Whatever students' preferences are now, the future seems to hold exceedingly more relationship possibilities and less concern about the age gap. Fanelli attributed this to the gradual muting of age and racial differences in our society.
"People past their 30s can date anybody," Kilgore said. "Everyone's at the same time in their lives - unless they're 60 and their balls are sagging."
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