Spring Break
The Daily OrangeColumnist Savage offers advice on relationships
By Dana Moran
Posted: 11/16/04, 2:09 AM EST Section: Pulp
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Though Dan Savage had only just met Justin Welch, he already had a recommendation for the junior public relations major - stop smoking.
"If you see him smoking anywhere on campus, you have my permission to slap him," Savage said.
But it's OK for Savage to tell Welch to improve his health - he's in the business of advice. Last night, America's most popular sex columnist dispensed his wisdom in Goldstein Auditorium, in a speech sponsored by University Union Speakers, the First Year Players, Asian Students in America and Pride Union. Savage, whose column, "Savage Love," appears in more than 70 newspapers worldwide, organized the evening as one big question and answer session, reading questions off note cards as well as taking audience queries.
Savage brought a homosexual perspective to the heterosexual relationship, saying that the main problem in most of the latter is the general lack of communication. He said a partner is no good if the couple can't discuss its sexual issues. People are worried about making themselves vulnerable to people they're having sex with, but that if they don't make it clear what their sexual needs are, they're never going to be satisfied.
"You have to make yourself vulnerable to someone you're having sex with to begin with," he said, "so you might as well go for the whole vulnerability piñata and just smack it down."
Sexual satisfaction is something that takes communication - and cooperation from both parties involved, Savage said. One woman questioned what to do about her boyfriend who refused to go down on her, to which Savage replied women have to insist because if no man ever performed cunnilingus, no woman would ever perform fellatio. He also said the any man who is homophobic is essentially misogynistic, since homophobes hate gay men for the fact that they act like women.
Savage does find it reasonable for women to take good care of their private areas, making sure things are trimmed and smell clean. He said there's no better person to tell you there's something stank going on than the person whose nose is wedged in there.
"Anybody who doesn't want to bury their face in your genitals is nobody you should date," he said.
As part of a gay couple, Savage said he and his partner have taken on more "traditional" family roles; he goes out on tours and writes his column while his boyfriend stays at home with the couple's 6-year-old son. Savage's boyfriend does his laundry, and when there's something to be killed in the basement, Savage takes care of it. He said this relationship model isn't necessarily heterosexual, and it's something that just happens when one becomes part of a family since it's hard to have a polyamorous family with kids.
