Spring Break
The Daily OrangeA short response
By Omar Raschid
Posted: 9/19/05, 9:39 PM EST Section: Pulp
I hate stilettos.
Sure they are sexy as hell and can accentuate a great pair of legs, but seriously girls, do you need to be 6 feet 5 inches? I mean, come on, you always complain about not being able to find a good guy, yet you deliberately exclude a good percentage of the population by purposefully lengthening your appendages. Real smart. Sorry, it's a sore subject and I have a short temper (ugh ...). But if you've ever been mistaken for a senior in high school when you are a senior in college, consistently been picked last in gym class or had to strain your neck to see your prom date, you know what I mean.
I know everybody always says you should be happy with the way you are, but you know what? That sucks. You try having to do pull-ups when you're reaching for the support bar on the bus, having your feet dangle when you are on a barstool, making it look like your parents are taking you out for ice cream, asking for a girl's number when it looks like she could be baby-sitting you (come to think of it ... that might be a fun scenario). If it sounds like I'm ranting, it's because I am. I'm an angry short man who can't relieve any of his tension because you know what? Apparently short people don't get the girl. It's often said that short people are unlucky in love and politics. I'M A POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR! That's just great. I guess it's a good thing I won't get the girl, because now I won't even be able to afford the girl because I will have no job. Hence the anger.
Napoleon? Now there's a guy who knows what I'm talking about. He took his anger out on most of Western Europe. Sure, he was a tyrannical dictator, but I'm sure it all started out when he was constantly chosen to play the lead Munchkin in his school productions of "The Wizard of Oz." This is one step up from having to play Toto, which by the way was also offered (true story). So, I can sympathize.
It's also not fun having to scour stores for shoes with four-inch treads just to be able to look people in the eye. Like George Costanza said, "I can't go from eye to chin." My friends always tease me about being attracted to younger girls. You want to know why? It's because they are the ones who look my age. And if it means dating a bunch of prepubescent preteens to make me feel better, then so be it (kidding ... sort of).
Sure they are sexy as hell and can accentuate a great pair of legs, but seriously girls, do you need to be 6 feet 5 inches? I mean, come on, you always complain about not being able to find a good guy, yet you deliberately exclude a good percentage of the population by purposefully lengthening your appendages. Real smart. Sorry, it's a sore subject and I have a short temper (ugh ...). But if you've ever been mistaken for a senior in high school when you are a senior in college, consistently been picked last in gym class or had to strain your neck to see your prom date, you know what I mean.
I know everybody always says you should be happy with the way you are, but you know what? That sucks. You try having to do pull-ups when you're reaching for the support bar on the bus, having your feet dangle when you are on a barstool, making it look like your parents are taking you out for ice cream, asking for a girl's number when it looks like she could be baby-sitting you (come to think of it ... that might be a fun scenario). If it sounds like I'm ranting, it's because I am. I'm an angry short man who can't relieve any of his tension because you know what? Apparently short people don't get the girl. It's often said that short people are unlucky in love and politics. I'M A POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR! That's just great. I guess it's a good thing I won't get the girl, because now I won't even be able to afford the girl because I will have no job. Hence the anger.
Napoleon? Now there's a guy who knows what I'm talking about. He took his anger out on most of Western Europe. Sure, he was a tyrannical dictator, but I'm sure it all started out when he was constantly chosen to play the lead Munchkin in his school productions of "The Wizard of Oz." This is one step up from having to play Toto, which by the way was also offered (true story). So, I can sympathize.
It's also not fun having to scour stores for shoes with four-inch treads just to be able to look people in the eye. Like George Costanza said, "I can't go from eye to chin." My friends always tease me about being attracted to younger girls. You want to know why? It's because they are the ones who look my age. And if it means dating a bunch of prepubescent preteens to make me feel better, then so be it (kidding ... sort of).
