Spring Break
The Daily OrangeMen forever destined to be slaves to the pull of women
By Scott Spinelli
Posted: 10/3/07, 12:04 AM EST Section: Feature
There are a few things that I think women should know about men. As a man myself, one who is well-versed in the way of the heterosexual male, I feel as though it's my duty to perform this service. Sort of like being in the Army.
Women, you must know, men don't exist without you. And I don't mean that in the literal "you are the givers of life" way. No, I'm referring to the fact that basically everything we do revolves around the hope or promise that you're involved.
Let's start with general upkeep. I'd venture most men would most likely never shave if women weren't around. Some men (read: me) have already stopped. I'd imagine the only time a man would shave would be when it becomes uncomfortable to do the only thing we truly care about besides women - sleep.
Brushing of teeth. Let's be honest. If men knew there was no way they'd run into a woman all day, they might seriously consider leaving the house without brushing. I'm not calling them sinners. I'm calling them human.
The way a man puts himself together, even with women around, is in such stark contrast to the way a woman puts herself together that it really blows my mind.
Women, in a matter of hours, get up, get ready, put makeup on, fix their hair and choose an outfit with matching accessories. It's enough to make you want to shoot yourself in the head.
If men had to go through that process for a week, we'd see an extreme dip in the male population of this fine society. I wore a Kansas City Royals baseball jersey a week ago. It took me nearly two-and-a-half hours to decide that I could, in fact, wear a royal blue shirt underneath it.
Still, I take a look around campus and I notice things that women put on, things they wear or add to their outfits that really are just either stupid or unnecessary.
First of all, those ridiculous Hubble Spacecraft sun glasses. I don't know if the Charlotte Hornet look (Google Charlotte Hornet, if you need a mirror check) is what you're going for, but you're not doing anyone any favors.
Women, you must know, men don't exist without you. And I don't mean that in the literal "you are the givers of life" way. No, I'm referring to the fact that basically everything we do revolves around the hope or promise that you're involved.
Let's start with general upkeep. I'd venture most men would most likely never shave if women weren't around. Some men (read: me) have already stopped. I'd imagine the only time a man would shave would be when it becomes uncomfortable to do the only thing we truly care about besides women - sleep.
Brushing of teeth. Let's be honest. If men knew there was no way they'd run into a woman all day, they might seriously consider leaving the house without brushing. I'm not calling them sinners. I'm calling them human.
The way a man puts himself together, even with women around, is in such stark contrast to the way a woman puts herself together that it really blows my mind.
Women, in a matter of hours, get up, get ready, put makeup on, fix their hair and choose an outfit with matching accessories. It's enough to make you want to shoot yourself in the head.
If men had to go through that process for a week, we'd see an extreme dip in the male population of this fine society. I wore a Kansas City Royals baseball jersey a week ago. It took me nearly two-and-a-half hours to decide that I could, in fact, wear a royal blue shirt underneath it.
Still, I take a look around campus and I notice things that women put on, things they wear or add to their outfits that really are just either stupid or unnecessary.
First of all, those ridiculous Hubble Spacecraft sun glasses. I don't know if the Charlotte Hornet look (Google Charlotte Hornet, if you need a mirror check) is what you're going for, but you're not doing anyone any favors.
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