The Daily OrangeProvocitive outfits for the guys this halloween
By Danny Fersh
Posted: 10/28/09, 2:09 AM EST Section: Feature
A good costume makes all the difference for Halloween. Last year, my roommate and I had a great time dressed as Turk and J.D. from the TV show "Scrubs." Now, the outfit itself wasn't much to speak of - just a pair of navy blue scrub pants with a navy blue top - but the accompanying toy stethoscopes turned our otherwise nondescript appearance into the life of the party.
We walked around a frat party looking for possible "patients," and then stuck the plastic end piece into the chest of whatever cute girl was interested enough to get a "checkup."
By the end of the night our private practice had treated two hot prison inmates, three scantily clad police officers, one Catholic school girl, four cheerleaders, two "morning after" girls, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the entire cast of "Gossip Girl." We even had three slutty nurses helping us out with all the paperwork they could handle.
Yet, in the coming days and weeks I had trouble recalling all the great moments from that weekend. No, I wasn't blackout drunk. And, no, there were no narcotics in my system - unless you count the gas fumes from my neighbor's "Ghostbusters" costume (don't ask).
Regardless, whether it was the two guys in gorilla suits who kept humping trees on Euclid, or the guy dressed as Ron Jeremy, who pulled off his costume even without the mustache, there was only one thing on my mind when I looked back on that night: legs, legs and more legs. Call me a pig, say that I'm sexist, yell at my mom for letting me watch "Baywatch" after nursery school instead of "Sesame Street" - I don't care. I'm a teenage boy and everywhere I turned there was a pair of female legs barely covered by a short skirt, booty shorts or just panties. It was like the first time I tried Wings: sloppy, delicious and beyond my wildest dreams.
In fact, the concept of slutty Halloween costumes fascinates me so much that I can't help but wonder if the concept works both ways: Could any guy who straps on a skimpy Halloween costume end the night with more chicks hanging on him than David Hasselhoff?
We walked around a frat party looking for possible "patients," and then stuck the plastic end piece into the chest of whatever cute girl was interested enough to get a "checkup."
By the end of the night our private practice had treated two hot prison inmates, three scantily clad police officers, one Catholic school girl, four cheerleaders, two "morning after" girls, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the entire cast of "Gossip Girl." We even had three slutty nurses helping us out with all the paperwork they could handle.
Yet, in the coming days and weeks I had trouble recalling all the great moments from that weekend. No, I wasn't blackout drunk. And, no, there were no narcotics in my system - unless you count the gas fumes from my neighbor's "Ghostbusters" costume (don't ask).
Regardless, whether it was the two guys in gorilla suits who kept humping trees on Euclid, or the guy dressed as Ron Jeremy, who pulled off his costume even without the mustache, there was only one thing on my mind when I looked back on that night: legs, legs and more legs. Call me a pig, say that I'm sexist, yell at my mom for letting me watch "Baywatch" after nursery school instead of "Sesame Street" - I don't care. I'm a teenage boy and everywhere I turned there was a pair of female legs barely covered by a short skirt, booty shorts or just panties. It was like the first time I tried Wings: sloppy, delicious and beyond my wildest dreams.
In fact, the concept of slutty Halloween costumes fascinates me so much that I can't help but wonder if the concept works both ways: Could any guy who straps on a skimpy Halloween costume end the night with more chicks hanging on him than David Hasselhoff?
Viewing Comments 1 - 7 of 8
japottie
posted 10/28/09 @ 3:05 PM EST
Hey, no Dick-In-A-Box? Very funny piece of writing, thanks!
Yosef
posted 10/28/09 @ 4:27 PM EST
Provocitive, anyone? Anyone?
CS
posted 10/28/09 @ 8:49 PM EST
one of the nation's top journalism schools and you don't spell-check headlines? makes me embarrassed to be an alum...
japottie
japottie
posted 10/29/09 @ 12:20 PM EST
As an SU alum I am more embarrassed by laziness than by typos. Wonder if others who posted comments even bothered to read this well written, well edited and very funny satirical piece on hot hallowe'en costumes for dudes. (Continued…)
jmc
posted 10/29/09 @ 1:00 PM EST
Even more amazing is that this error *still* has not been corrected... another disgusted alumni
japottie
posted 10/29/09 @ 1:25 PM EST
jmc, cs, anonymous and josef...are you all too lazy to read the article? Like I said, I am more embarrassed by your laziness than by a single typo.
Lauren
posted 10/29/09 @ 8:15 PM EST
The spelling error is bad enough, but even worse is the whole idea of the story. I would think that the Daily Orange staff would be really embarrassed to have this story in their newspaper. (Continued…)
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