Spring Break
The Daily OrangeLaments on draining karma
By Danny Fersh
Posted: 11/4/09, 2:33 AM EST Section: Feature
Mondays are always pretty crazy for me, and this week's first workday started out no different than the rest.
Then I remembered my blood drive appointment at the Winnick Hillel Center
for Jewish Life.
Since my blood type is the universal donor, I couldn't turn down my scheduled donation just because I had a packed day ahead of me. There's just too much karma at risk.
Sure, I could justify my absence at first if I pledged to donate later, or if I saved a bunch of orphans from a burning building, or maybe if I promised to stop kicking puppies in my spare time. But my friends, family and the cosmic forces that govern the universe all would know that I'm full of crap.
So, I had two choices: Go through with the donation and risk being too woozy to finish my broadcast project, Spanish homework, research paper and humor column all due the next day, or risk getting rammed in the crotch by a blunt object when I least expect it as part of the universe's revenge on my selfishness.
Besides, even I have a slight sense of morality. So, if I didn't donate, how could I defend my decision to whatever poor soul needed my blood to survive?
"Uh, sorry buddy, I was gonna do it last week, but then they showed a 'Flavor of Love' marathon on VH1, and now this week I have tons of Spanish to catch up on. But hey, if you believe in reincarnation, maybe you'll come back to life as one of Flava Flav's illegitimate children."
Like it or not, forces outside of my control cornered me into a decision.
I strolled over to Hillel after lunch and signed in at the front desk. Then, in an ill-conceived attempt to hit on the middle-aged staffer administering the pre-donation questionnaire, I peppered the poor woman with as many awkward questions as I could possibly come up with:
"Pardon me, doctor, does a rash that's shaped like Otto the Orange count as a 'persistent infection?' Or is it just school spirit? If you want I can show it to you…"
Then I remembered my blood drive appointment at the Winnick Hillel Center
for Jewish Life.
Since my blood type is the universal donor, I couldn't turn down my scheduled donation just because I had a packed day ahead of me. There's just too much karma at risk.
Sure, I could justify my absence at first if I pledged to donate later, or if I saved a bunch of orphans from a burning building, or maybe if I promised to stop kicking puppies in my spare time. But my friends, family and the cosmic forces that govern the universe all would know that I'm full of crap.
So, I had two choices: Go through with the donation and risk being too woozy to finish my broadcast project, Spanish homework, research paper and humor column all due the next day, or risk getting rammed in the crotch by a blunt object when I least expect it as part of the universe's revenge on my selfishness.
Besides, even I have a slight sense of morality. So, if I didn't donate, how could I defend my decision to whatever poor soul needed my blood to survive?
"Uh, sorry buddy, I was gonna do it last week, but then they showed a 'Flavor of Love' marathon on VH1, and now this week I have tons of Spanish to catch up on. But hey, if you believe in reincarnation, maybe you'll come back to life as one of Flava Flav's illegitimate children."
Like it or not, forces outside of my control cornered me into a decision.
I strolled over to Hillel after lunch and signed in at the front desk. Then, in an ill-conceived attempt to hit on the middle-aged staffer administering the pre-donation questionnaire, I peppered the poor woman with as many awkward questions as I could possibly come up with:
"Pardon me, doctor, does a rash that's shaped like Otto the Orange count as a 'persistent infection?' Or is it just school spirit? If you want I can show it to you…"
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